For Better by Tara Parker-Pope
- Compatibility: excessively worrying about compatibility is a danger sign for the relationship. Compatibility is important, but plenty of happy couples aren't ideally compatible, and plenty of compatible couples aren't happy.
- Arguments
- using we/us is a lot better than you
- articulate complaints ("I feel" or "I don't like") instead of criticisms ("you always...")
- Women often lose sex drive while nursing
- They suggest still having sex often (quickie) when you have kids - you get the same chemical benefits even if sex is short
- Women often get more of the share of house work after a baby is born. They need to let the husband take some of the load without micromanaging
- Kids want time with their parents, but having parents who aren't tired and stressed is more important
- Group couples therapy can have a large positive impact for parents
- Investing in your relationship is one of the most important things you can do for the wellbeing of your kids
- Important factors: passion, intimacy, commitment
- To not get divorced:
- Marry after 25
- Marry someone with a college degree
- Stick it out for at least 10 years
- Someone with similar interests, background, and values
- Someone who's parents are still married
- Strategies to stay happy in marriage
- Celebrate the good times
- Know the mathematics of marriage: 5x more positive interactions than negative ones
- Keep your standards high
- Don't expect your spouse to make you happy
- Have sex - even if not in the mood your brain releases chemicals after 5 minutes
- Reignite romance
Topic: Marriage