For Better Forever: A Catholic Guide to Lifelong Marriage by Gregory K. Popcak

  • Chapter 1
    • Christian evangelization —> “Look at those Christians. See how they love.”
  • Chapter 2
    • The only reason to get married to help each other become the people God created you to be
    • In marriage, you are responsible for helping your partner achieve heaven
    • God requires you to be Christ to your spouse
    • husband and wife have complementary roles, not compensatory roles
  • Chapter 3
    • Out identity should be built on Christ
    • Highest on the relationship pathway: Romantic Peer Marriages
      • Simplification
      • Competence - co-parents
      • Egalitarianism
    • Marriage should be an icon (pointing toward Christ), not an idol (taking the place of Christ) (95)
  • Chapter 4
    • Love in marriage consists of
      • Companionate love
        • “You know someone loves you if she desires your wellbeing and is willing to work for it daily.” (98)
        • Marriage = Best Friends + Passion
      • Romantic love
        • to be healthy, passion must flow from friendship
        • romantic love will come in waves over time in your relationship
        • romantic love is a gift you give your partner
        • “it is your job to help her learn how special she is to God.” (110)
    • The 12 Things Happy Couples Know About Love
      • Love assumes positive intention
      • Love is always present
      • Love catches its lover being good
      • Love is a full-time job
      • Love is willing to make itself uncomfortable
      • Love takes care of itself
      • Love is tactfully honest
      • Love is safe
      • Love is willing to fake it until it makes it
      • Love is generous
      • Love laughs
      • Love is not a feeling
  • Chapter 5
    • Stages of Married Life
      • Honeymoon stage
      • Conflict and Negotiation Stage
      • New Pattern Stage
      • Creative Stage
      • Homecoming Stage
      • Launching Stage
      • Second Honeymoon Stage
      • Happily Ever After Stage
  • Chapter 6
    • intimacy is the measure of love
    • vulnerability with your spouse prepares you for the vulnerability you feel with Christ in heaven
  • Chapter 7
    • Three major love languages
      • visual
      • auditory
      • kinesthetic
  • Chapter 8
    • exceptional couples actually grow in intimacy because of their arguments
    • three argument styles
      • validating
      • volatile
      • avoidant
    • healthy argument meets three criteria
      • mutually satisfying solution
      • follow the rules of engagement: certain lines you never cross
      • five-to-one ratio of positivity to negativity
    • 15 Commandments of Arguments
      • know when to hold them and know when to fold them
      • begin with the end in mind
      • get your thinking cap on straight
      • always assume a positive intention
      • use respectful deadlines
      • never negotiation the what but always the how and when
      • take your emotional temperature
      • do loving things
      • take respectful breaks
      • set respectful limits
      • use “I" statements instead of “you” statements
      • not be contemptuous
      • put it in writing
      • not both go crazy at the same time
      • pray, pray, pray
  • Chapter 9
    • Four Truths
      • sex is holy
      • sex is sacramental - expands vulnerability to the deepest level
      • sex is unitive
      • sex is procreative
    • sex is a renewal of wedding vows
    • Five Paths
      • guard each other’s dignity
      • be a servant
      • approach lovemaking joyfully
      • maintain a responsible openness to life
      • approach each other in prayer
  • Chapter 11
    • “If I do not make myself abundantly present to my children, how will they ever learn to appreciate the eternal presence of their heavenly Father?” (221)
    • “Marriage is perhaps the most beautiful prayer in the world.” (222)
    • Love in marriage leads others to God