For Better by Tara Parker-Pope

  • Compatibility: excessively worrying about compatibility is a danger sign for the relationship. Compatibility is important, but plenty of happy couples aren't ideally compatible, and plenty of compatible couples aren't happy.
  • Arguments

    • using we/us is a lot better than you

    • articulate complaints ("I feel" or "I don't like") instead of criticisms ("you always...")

  • Women often lose sex drive while nursing
  • They suggest still having sex often (quickie) when you have kids - you get the same chemical benefits even if sex is short
  • Women often get more of the share of house work after a baby is born. They need to let the husband take some of the load without micromanaging
  • Kids want time with their parents, but having parents who aren't tired and stressed is more important
  • Group couples therapy can have a large positive impact for parents
  • Investing in your relationship is one of the most important things you can do for the wellbeing of your kids
  • Important factors: passion, intimacy, commitment
  • To not get divorced:

    • Marry after 25

    • Marry someone with a college degree

    • Stick it out for at least 10 years

    • Someone with similar interests, background, and values

    • Someone who's parents are still married

  • Strategies to stay happy in marriage

    • Celebrate the good times

    • Know the mathematics of marriage: 5x more positive interactions than negative ones

    • Keep your standards high

    • Don't expect your spouse to make you happy

    • Have sex - even if not in the mood your brain releases chemicals after 5 minutes

    • Reignite romance

Topic: Marriage