Overcoming Sinful Anger by Fr. T. Morrow

(Manchester: Sophia Institute Press, 2014), 113

When you feel the assaults of passion and anger, then is the time to be silent, as Jesus was silent in the midst of His ignominies and sufferings."
–St. Paul of the Cross

Notes


Contents


Scripture on Anger

  • Mt-05: "Every one who is angry with his brother shall be liable to judgment." (6)
  • Gal-05-21: "Now the works of the flesh are plain: immorality, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, anger, selfishness, dissension, party spirit, envy, drunkenness, carousing, and the like. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God." (7)
  • Jas-01-20: "Know this, my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger, for the anger of man does not work the righteousness of God." (53)
  • Jas-01: "If any one thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this man's religion is vain." (10)
  • Eph-04-27: "Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil." (23)
  • Eph-04-32: "Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for edifying, as fits the occasion, that it may impart grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, in whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." (12)
  • 1 Jn-03: "We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love remains in death. Any one who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him." (12)
  • Prv-22-25: "Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare." (19)
  • Prv-16: "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city." (20)

Chapter 1: Recognize Sinful Anger

  • Anger is "a disorderly outburst of emotion connected with the inordinate desire for revenge." (5)
  • The feeling of anger is not sinful in itself. But we can control what we do about the feeling. (6)
  • We need to do something constructive with our anger, otherwise it will explode. (7)
  • Unhealthy ways of dealing with anger include:
    • Passive-Aggressive Behavior: silent treatment or intentional irritation
    • Exploding with Anger: "Explosive anger is not something you want to have with you when you leave this planet. It will profoundly dampen your ability to enter the Kingdom. If you have a problem with exploding anger and you want to be a Christian, you absolutely must work hard to overcome it...Choosing not to strive ardently to overcome hateful outbursts could well be a mortal sin." (10)
    • Perpetual Anger: "Those who persist in their hatred cannot hope to be anything but miserable." (12)

Chapter 2: Understand the Causes of Angry Behavior

  • People explode in anger for one of three reasons:
    • Power & Control: manipulation, which is ultimately self-defeating
    • Refusal to take responsibility: blaming our response on someone else's behavior
    • Habit: but we have the ability to change our habits

Chapter 3: Process Anger Rationally

  • Aquinas: "If one is angry in accordance with right reason, one's anger is deserving of praise." (19, cf. ST, II-IIae, Q. 158 and Jesus' righteous anger in cleansing the temple in Jn-02-17)
  • Seneca: "The greatest remedy for anger is delay." (20)
  • Appropriate responses to anger:
    • If insignificant, brush it off
    • If worth of reply, say something diplomatically
    • Give your anger to the Lord, offer it up as a sacrifice for sins

Chapter 4: Learn to Forgive

  • "If we can forgive others, we can pull the rug out from beneath our anger most of the time." (25)
  • "If we are Christian, we forgive: give up all resentment, all desire for revenge, and strive to love the one who hurt you." (26)
  • Four stages of forgiveness (32)
    1. Recognize the problem and be angry
    2. Do something to diminish your hurt
    3. Recall how good it felt to forgive in the past
    4. Make a serious effort not to let yourself be offended by things
  • Look to the examples of St. John of the Cross (nada), St. Catherine of Siena ("I am who am, You are, who are not."), and St. Thérèse of Lisieux ("embrace the hurts and humiliations we endure as splinters of the cross we must bear for Christ)
  • "I often encourage people with an anger problem to pray daily for humility." (36, perhaps using the prayer of Cardinal Merry del Val printed on that page)
  • "If there was ever a foundational virtue to strive for, it is humility." Do this by reading the lives of the saints, "We should have a steady diet of reading them": St. Francis of Assisi, St. John Vianney,
  • "The most basic way to know that we have forgiven others is to pray for them, for their good and especially for their salvation." (39)

Chapter 5: Heal Painful Memories

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

Chapter 6: Calm Marital Anger

  • "Each spouse needs to know how to keep calm and to help the other keep calm as well." (51)
  • Calming an Angry Wife
    • "I'm sorry I made you angry. Will you forgive me?"
    • "Tell me what I did wrong, and I will try to improve."
    • She wants to talk about it. Listen.
  • Calming an Angry Husband
    • Silence or speaking very little is the best way to calm an angry husband.
    • Put aside her anger at the way he's behaving and getting to the sore point and healing it.
    • St. Paul of the Cross wrote, "When you feel the assaults of passion and anger, then is the time to be silent, as Jesus was silent in the midst of His ignominies and sufferings." Maintaining silence when one is angry is a good idea for both husbands and wives, but especially for wives. (53)

Chapter 7: Turn Your Anger at God to Praise

  • God does not want terrible things to happen to us, but in his permissive (or reluctant) will he allows them at times. (55)
  • Suffering is always related to some sin in the world. (56)
  • Think of the psalms of lament: the psalmist complains but ends by praising God. (58)
  • If we spent each day thanking God, we would hardly be able to get angry at him. (58)
  • Say the Prayer of Thanks (59)
  • "Thy will be done"—That is the sure way to happiness. This belief is an essential part of our Christian faith. (60)
  • Avoid getting angry at God by praising him for everything: "We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose." -Rom-08
  • To praise God for even the apparently bad things that happen is to trust him, and God loves trust. (62)

Chapter 8: Learn to Overcome Your Habit of Anger

Chapter 9: Help Your Children Overcome Their Anger

  • This section from The Angry Child
  • Stay calm, don't shout, always respect your child. (83)
  • "It's ok to be angry, but it's never ok to be mean." (84)
  • "Don't teach your children never to be angry; teach them how to be angry." (84)
  • As a parent always apologize if you do something wrong and always be ready to forgive. (84)
  • Stress often leads to anger: "If a family wants less anger, they must schedule more family time and fewer outside activities and distractions." (88)
  • "An angry family is one in which the parents set the awful example of being angry much of the time. They teach their kids by their example that anger brings power." (89)
  • "Some parents are not so sure about all these rewards. They want their children to behave well because it's the right thing to do. However, the reward and punishment approach just anticipates how the world will treat them, and how it is in life generally. You do evil, you lose out. You do good, you receive rewards. It's that way at work, with friends, with spouses, with everyone. In time, kids come to realize that life is better if they behave well, and they see the intrinsic value of doing so, but many kids, probably most kids, begin with rewards and punishments." (92-93)

Chapter 10: Summary

  • "Overcoming anger should be a paramount change we should strive for as Christians." (100)

Topic: Anger

Source

Created: 2024-06-25-Tue
Updated: 2025-03-05-Wed